Admiral in Peril is out!

[Anton Mercer]

I hope everyone enjoys it! I tried to stay as close to the story as possible, but there is only so much I could with the Foundry as it is. Please let me know if there is anything that needs to be added!

[VADM JT Kerry]

This looks great. I'm looking forward to taking part in this mission.

[Anton Mercer]

Bump

[Anton Mercer]

Admiral in Peril got reviewed by Evil70th, a well know Foundry reviewer. Here's what he had to say (Yes lots of spelling errors )

Federation Mission - Admiral in Peril
Author: antman9173
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HICBJ4DKJ

----------Report Start-----------

Summary: This is a great combat and fleet oriented mission. The map designs are good, the battles tough but fun, and the story dialogue kept the mission moving forward. I mention fleet oriented because you clearly indicated that in the description. There is nothing wrong with fleet oriented missions and your disclosure of that would mitigate most responses from other players who do not like those types of specific references. Despite the fleet oriented nature of the mission it is still a fun mission and I would definitely recommend this mission to all players.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The dialogue is well written but needs a little more story to help draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Accept' button.

Mission Task: You need to provide a start location with the sector block to help the player find where the first custom map starts. I noted no spelling errors with this initial task.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "at the fleet stating ground" to read "at the fleet staging ground".
-The entry prompt button; consider changing "Rendevous with the fleet" to read "Rendezvous with the fleet".

MAPS:
Burgus System: This is a good map with well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "for your briefing from Admiral p'Rett" to read "for your briefing from Admiral P'rett" as indicated on the "Alini 7" and "Ticonderoga" maps.
-Consider changing "The lapetus has already" to read "The Lapetus has already". I noted this spelling throughout this map and the next. I realize that this is most likely the way one of your fleet members has spelled their ship name but all ship names should be capitalized. I recommend you change this throughout the mission.
-Consider changing "and attempt to begin rescue operations, barring any Borg resistence" to read "and attempt rescue operations, barring any Borg resistance".

Alini 4: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-As noted previously regarding the capitalization of "lapetus" as a ship name.
-Consider changing "I'm Garron Vek, captain of the lapetus" to read "I'm Garron Vek, Captain of the Lapetus". When referring to the rank alone it does not need to be capitalized but when referring to a specific person of that rank it should be capitalized.
-Consider changing "Proceed to the rendevous point" to read "Proceed to the rendezvous point".
-Consider changing "[MissionInfo]Go to the renevous point and continue to visually scan the nebula[/MissionInfo]" to read "[MissionInfo]Go to the rendezvous point and continue to visually scan the nebula[/MissionInfo]"
-The map transfer dialogue and response button both say "Go to Next Map". Consider replacing it with "Course laid in" for the dialogue and "Engage" for the response button. The "Go to Next Map" dialogue is the default for no entry in the field. It distracts from the story.

Alini 7: This is a good map design with some fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Ticonderoga: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. The ending of the mission seemed a little rushed. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-During the "Reach Admiral P?rett" task there are three Borg in the corridor. Consider changing them to enemy units that the player can engage. It seems odd to just leave three random Borg standing there.
-Consider changing "We got cut of from" to read "We got cut off from".
-The post "Defend your Position" dialogue; consider changing "A Cube cam in" to read "A cube came in".

---------End Report----------

You did a good job developing this mission and I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian

Evil's TaskForce SOL mission is the next one for him to review, and I'll post it in Evil's mission post.

[Fleet Admiral E. Fortin]

I'm going to run your mission this weekend after the fleet event. Looking forward to it...

[CAPT Preston]

Hey Mercer, this mission still active? Kinda want the new guys to run through it on Saturday.

 

[Anton Mercer]

Unfortunately not. I'm currently running through all my foundry missions starting with the intro because of the 2.0 lighting and stuff... and it looks like ill have to redo it even more after next month with season 12 coming out so a lot of my missions are unpublished. I have some time today though that was set aside for foundry stuff so I'll look at it and if it looks ok I'll re publish it.

[CAPT Preston]

Cheers Mercer

[Anton Mercer]

its published but i cant say its 100% working