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re: This is Our Fleet
 by Anomalous Life Form on 09/10/10 5:37
edited out
Last edited by Anomalous Life Form on 09/28/10 15:28; edited 2 times in total
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re: This is Our Fleet
by Ezreq Blodvaerd on 09/10/10 8:06
This is exceptionally well written....Outstanding job!
Would there be some place within it to refer to the "Lucky" part of our name?
We have always been the "Lucky 7th" Fleet....We have always been lucky to have her. Others have been lucky to fight along side her. Cryptic / STO has been lucky that fleets such as our own, as stuck it out, through the turmoil of bugs and the lean times after the first 30 days.
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re: This is Our Fleet
by Anomalous Life Form on 09/10/10 8:17
edited out.
Last edited by Anomalous Life Form on 09/28/10 15:29; edited 1 time in total
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re: This is Our Fleet
by Ezreq Blodvaerd on 09/10/10 9:19
| Derek Flint wrote: |
So be it! Until victory is the "Lucky 7th's" and there is no enemy, but peace! |
This is perfect!
| Quote: | Also, in a couple places it mentions that the Fleet is our life. Does anyone think that comes across too strong and gives a wrong impression? As in we need a real life? We all know that is not the case and I'd rather it not give that impression.
In any case, this is a very rough draft. |
Perhaps instead of saying "It is our life", you could say it is our "Home away from Home" or somehting along those lines.
I thought perhaps "Mistress", but that would be more appropriate for "Space is our mistress".
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re: This is Our Fleet
by Anomalous Life Form on 09/10/10 10:00
ditto
Last edited by Anomalous Life Form on 09/28/10 15:30; edited 1 time in total
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re: This is Our Fleet
by Admiral Van Wormer on 09/10/10 17:23
Looking pretty good. Let the tweaking continue!
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re: This is Our Fleet
by Anomalous Life Form on 09/10/10 17:48
I made the changes to the OP as discussed to make better sense. I think we got it.
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re: Re: This is Our Fleet
by William Anders on 09/10/10 18:04
Before God, we swear this creed. Our Fleet and ourselves are the defenders of the galaxy. We are the masters of our enemies. WE ARE THE SAVIORS OF OUR LIVES.
I think the first and last sentence contradict each other.
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